Sunday, 20 May 2012

Remember What You Love

I spent well over two hours earlier moping about, feeling sorry for myself because I had nothing to do. I’d returned from my boyfriend’s earlier in the afternoon, been riding and had been planning to go to the marina with a friend to sit in one of our favourite café’s on yet another lady date. However, she still has an essay to finish for uni, so understandably cancelled.

I’ve been preaching constantly about learning to enjoy my own company, but I was so bored! I quickly fell back into my old habit of staring into space, fixating on how bored I am instead of actively doing anything about it. I’ve had quite an unhealthy, but let’s call it indulgent weekend food wise, and horse riding is exercise, even if not as effective as running or going to the gym, so I figured I could put off running until tomorrow and I would continue to enjoy my self- indulgent weekend. So I did the most self-indulgent thing I could think of and ran a hot bath.

Every Christmas, I specifically ask for Soap and Glory or Sanctuary bath and beauty products. I use Soap and Glory every day in the shower, so I opted for Sanctuary, mainly because I love the slightly spicy smell and it seems so luxurious. Had no one been home, I would have been playing Needtobreathe while I had a bath, but I didn’t think my parents would appreciate Christian rock. I like it (even though I’m not religious) because it manages to be calming, but upbeat and positive. There’s nothing worse than being a foul mood and hearing Adele or Death Cab for Cutie. My mam just loves to play Adele while she does her housework, but personally, I can’t think of anything less motivating.  And back to why I didn’t play Needtobreathe, I hate being forced to listen to other people’s music, a pet peeve from first year student accommodation and public transport, so I won’t do it to others. This is all irrelevant, so I’ll not bore you with the order I used my Sanctuary stuff and move on.

I forgot all about writing an entry because I’m reading We Need to Talk about Kevin, and I’m really enjoying it. I was uncertain at first because the prose is over descriptive and in places, unnecessarily complex for a first person narrator. However, 30% in (the kindle told me it’s 30%,) I get it. It is necessary and its different and compelling, even a bit disturbing, but I can’t think of anything worse than a book not rousing any emotional response at all. I love books that challenge me.

I had a break between chapters and remembered that I wanted to write a blog entry, but really didn’t know what. I panicked and thought ‘I’ve conquered nothing I’ve feared, or even done anything remotely interesting with my weekend.’ But I realised that like the narrator of my book (minus the sociopathic son) I was being self-indulgent in my own pity. I haven’t done anything outstanding or achieved anything this weekend, but that’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed myself. It’s so easy to get caught up in the negative and forget what you enjoyed.

For example, my horse can always make my day. Whether she’s walking sideways to try and avoid rain fall, or mugging me for polos, she makes me laugh. I’ve always been around horses, hence my ease with them, and I’ve been riding for almost fifteen years and owned Meg for nine. Going to the farm is an escape from everything. There’s always something that needs doing, and I truly believe that horse and handler/rider have a unique, unconditional bond. It makes my day when I shout her in the field and she’ll whinny and trot over to me and today was no exception. I love riding, and I love being with my horse.

I also spent time with my sister and my nephew, and while I’m dreadful with kids, I actually enjoyed watching him play and enjoyed spending time with my sister while he did.

But the personal highlight was going to my boyfriend’s. He just got an iPhone 4s (I get one later this week! Yey!) and while waiting for our pizza, we tested Siri. I actually cried with laughter when he said ‘I love you Siri’ to which she replied, ‘you can’t.’ Similarly, when he got annoyed and shouted ‘f*** you Siri’ she just responded with ‘ask nicely.’ It also turns out that she ‘doesn’t do knock knock jokes.’ Simple, but hilarious. Probably hilarious in the way that only he and I will get, but that’s what makes it great. We just get each other. We can’t always explain why we enjoy each other’s company, but we do.

I guess the point I’m making, is that things often seem bad, only because we’re so eager to fixate on the bad and indulge in self-pity. If we take a few minutes to think of the simple things that made us smile, the things we enjoy and the things personal to us that we can’t explain and fixate on them instead, then we would be a lot happier. 

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