I was going to write a lovely little entry about how even when things are bad and you relapse back into negative thinking and unhappiness, the little things can make it all better again. And they can and most certainly do make a monumental difference. For example, I felt really down yesterday, and it was little acts of kindness that cheered me up. A birthday party at work cut a slice of cake for all of the staff that was shaped like a boob, they tipped generously and then I got off an hour early.
Thanks to a few generous tips last night, I didn’t really lose any pay from finishing early, and ended up with a slice of the boob cake. Then I had a spontaneous visit to Marc’s, who remembered me mentioning that my mam had played two songs from the Top Gun soundtrack that morning and now I really wanted to watch it. (Thanks to Top Gun, I have a thing for leather jackets, aviators and general 80’s fashion.) So he found it on Netflix, ready for when I got there. These little things most definitely made my day, just like a long walk with my sister and a giant can of Red Bull cheered up today.
However as is the case with this week, what happens when you are not the cause of your unhappiness? What happens when bad things happen that are out of your control? Or when people act like a special kind of arsehole and that is the root of your unhappiness? As opposed to negative thinking or being inactive/unproductive/stuck in a rut as I’ve written about before.
I can’t give too many details, mainly because a) I don’t know who reads my blog and b) there is all kinds of trouble I could bring upon myself by naming, shaming and blaming, so I will refrain from divulging the details, even though I bet most people are dying to know. But this isn’t about me; it’s about encouraging others through my own struggles. As well as to some extent, entertaining them. I hope.
Let’s just say people have hacked me off and things are going on that I can in no way, shape or form control. I’ve spent a couple of days feeling sad and helpless, unmotivated and not doing anything about it, however as I was driving home from work, (driving and in the bath are where most of my best subconscious thoughts occur) something in me just clicked and suddenly, I wasn’t sad, I was angry.
Firstly, when anger strikes and you can’t address the cause directly, or in no way that will change the situation without causing more trouble or getting arrested, sacked or hated depending on the context, you need an outlet. The air in my car was blue with curses and swear words, mainly favouring the f’s, b’s and maybe even a whispered c. That wasn’t really enough, but I suddenly wanted to blog and I wanted to write. I wanted to do something, anything, for myself. While anger is a negative emotion, it is a much more powerful one than sadness. It’s proactive and a motivator and shouldn’t be entirely shunned. Anger says you’re not happy, but you will act upon it, you will do something about it, whether it is a silent act of rebellion like writing, or channelling your rage into something like sport or running or something pointless that will make you feel better anyway like punching a pillow or singing angrily to Papa Roach in the car.
Finding an outlet for the anger is satisfying, and once you’ve acted upon it, you can move on and get on with normal life, as opposed to harbouring suppressed resentment. The more Christian or maybe just more moral or mature of us would say ‘forgive’ those who have angered you. But right now, I don’t really want to forgive or forget, so I will just take solace in the fact that I can’t change anything, I can’t stop people being special breeds of arseholes, but at least I myself, am not an arsehole. And writing this has helped me calm down, and given me a much better blog entry than it would have been.
Apologies for excessive use of the word arse. It was the least offensive swear word I could think of and non swear words just didn't cut it.