Thursday, 12 July 2012

Amy's 21st

Without going into detail, this week has been pretty difficult. As I often do when things get difficult, I disappeared off to Marc’s for two days, which is so much easier now I can drive there! What took my 90 minutes and two busses now takes me 20-30 minutes depending on traffic. I had a chilled few days; we went to the cinema and out for lunch and I returned this morning feeling much happier.

The great thing about where I live :) 
I came back this morning and still haven’t got back into running, so I gave it a go, ran about 1km and then found myself taking pictures of my surroundings. I went down to the beach and dene again and just ended up wandering around, then sitting on a bridge, watching water from the beck flow down to the sea. I enjoyed it and it was beautiful, but I really do need to run again. Perhaps somewhere ugly where I can’t get distracted as I’ve eaten two three course meals in 24 hours.  

The rest of the day was spent baking cakes with Alley and organising where we were going to pick Clare up from. It is my friend, Amy’s 21st birthday today and we had arranged to go out for a meal. I love my friends to bits, but it’s the first time I’ve seen them all together since finishing uni, and if I’m honest, I was really worried that without uni, we wouldn’t have anything to talk about. We’re all getting on with different things, none of which are what we originally planned, so we’ve all been really distracted lately and not really had time for each other. I suppose a lot of what I'm worried about is the fact we're all moving on. We're all getting on with different things and have no idea whats next, and I guess I just often wonder if we have a part in each other's plans anymore, or whether the end of uni meant the end of a friendship.

However, it wasn’t awkward at all. I was quickly reminded why we’re all friends in the first place. It’s because we’re all strange, slightly awkward individuals with our own quirks and individual interests. If anything, not having uni anymore gave us more to talk about, plus, we're all in the same, uncertain yet ambitious boat. I was over the moon when Amy said she’d been following my blog, and even told her mam about it. She’s quite shy and anxious, and she said it’s helped her stop worrying so much what people think about her and now she wants to do something every day that scares her.

Me, Alley, Amy and Clare
I tried to explain that I don’t do as much that scares me as I should, but sometimes even just something you wouldn’t normally do, like talk to someone new or like I often find myself doing, writing for the sake of writing, may not seem like big things, but actually help over-come self-consciousness. Whatever she’s taken from it, I’m just thrilled that she’s been inspired by something I wrote, that my writing has even just made one person think or one person put themselves into a situation they wouldn’t normally be in and turn a negative to a positive. It reminded me why I write this blog really, that it’s not always going to be exciting and new, but sometimes the most basic of fears are the most human, and the most difficult to overcome. It’s almost like it’s in our nature to expect to be judged negatively.

So we had a nice night. Laughed at ridiculous jokes about cheese, discussed how sticky toffee pudding might make you feel funny and just generally had a laugh. We may not have uni, but they’re still my friends and we do still exist outside of our degrees, so I feel quite stupid for thinking it would be awkward! Of course it wasn’t awkward, we’ve just all met through education, and as long as we keep in touch and keep making time for each other, we can support each other through more.

And I’m going to work on my other writing when I have posted this. For some reason this week, I find myself thinking about it when I’m not working on it, so I think it’s time to take advantage of this new found enthusiasm and get something down.

I’ve also noticed a big jump in page views, particularly from the USA, so welcome to The Positive Fear, I hope you enjoy reading my musings, even when they’re not particularly noteworthy. It’s all about the little things you know!

Follow me on Twitter: @ThePositiveFear

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